I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
