i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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