tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
