Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
