I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
