I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
