spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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