After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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