so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
