i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We need to feng shui this bitch.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
