Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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