Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
