I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
