The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
false alarm. still invincible.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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