I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i believe in u and ur pee
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
