Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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