I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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