So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
