The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
