Where is the hickey?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
