Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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