um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
