Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
