Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
