So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
