I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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