So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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