maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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