Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
