blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
