you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
