I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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