I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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