I'm jealous of your bromance
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
