I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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