Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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