are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
