I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
