I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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