Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
