I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
