do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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