I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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