is your mom at the bar?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize