how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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