I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
