Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
