her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
