She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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