I got chris browned last night
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
