I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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