OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
