How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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