I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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