Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
