counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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