true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
