nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
