hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
