Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
