Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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