matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I faked an abortion last night.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
