You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
