It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
