how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize