why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
