Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
