Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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