Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
how does that bad decision feel?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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