you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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