I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
