haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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