Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
This is classic penis vs brain.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
