i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
