is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
