You can't special order awesome
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
