my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
