I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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