shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I look better un-naked...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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