Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
