i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I could fuck to npr.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
