okay pat passed out under dana's car
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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