What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
