His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
