I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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