i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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