I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
