Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
