I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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