I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
