thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
