Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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