i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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