Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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