I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
