only you would photoshop your dick
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
